Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
