I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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