you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
There's even glitter on my cock...
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