Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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