She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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