But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize