Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
