So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
