I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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