I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
