It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
