I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
