I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
