i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
try to milk me bitch
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