yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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