You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
