I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
