Where is the hickey?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
