Me too!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
