How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize