You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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