Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
