my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
