You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
