I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
