he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
