Sponge bath it is.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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