it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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