wrigley field is MILF paradise
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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