just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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