So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize