No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
