My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
