I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
