now i know why i became what i already was.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
