I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Buhtt sex?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
is it fun? or sober?
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