he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
