She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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