he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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