based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
