my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
