I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
