could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
