Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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