i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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