Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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