Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize