i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
