Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
