Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
