I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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