well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
