I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize