everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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