Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
did i just pee glitter
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
