I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
