i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
