Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
