It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
