theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
