this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
