I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
