Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
