i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
