I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
