I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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