At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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