I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
