Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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