Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
