Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize