He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
