So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
