i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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