Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
