i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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