what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
