so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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