What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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