to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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