Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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