what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
