I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't think brook has ever known best
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
