he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
