dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
