Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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