when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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