My Higher Power is John Stamos
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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