I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
