If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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