Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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