soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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