I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
