You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
