Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize