I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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