4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
