i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
