I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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