This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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