sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
