And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
