I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
