When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
