you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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