dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize